Why I renounced sannyas?

Manoj Pavitran: I still vividly remember the day when you were given initiation, I remember the difficulty of calling you Anandanadh instead of Manu, I still remember the poise and determination you had on your face after receiving Guru’s blessings. Now you have come a long way, you have put aside the saffron clothes, shaven off your beard; you have entered into a married relationship and now living in the US. If you don’t mind can you please share with us your journey? What made you go beyond the conventions of saffron life? How did it enrich your journey?

Anandnadh: I've shared my experience of spiritual initiation at: http://anandnadh.blogspot.com/2011/01/gurukulam-life.html . That day, Guru told me all these costumes are insignificant and irrelevant. He told they should be used only as a device to cross the threshold if it helps to protect myself from the heavy current of the material world within. He said it also helps to remind oneself of the path he has chosen. I found him very rational. When I realized myself that the spiritual journey is the life journey itself, the outer cover of Sannyas just dropped off by itself. The analogy Guru used to explain this is that of a small fence you fix around a growing plant to protect it from animals eating away. As it matures into a full fledged tree, the fence breaks. I still revere the saffron robe and I am grateful for the protection and the focus it gave in my life. Sree Ramakrishna Paramahamsa says, once you cross the river you don't carry the boat on your head. Just leave it there.

Now the demarcation of spirituality and materialism has vanished in my consciousness. They are different angles from which you look at the Truth. A great tool that helped me rise in awareness is VIPASSANA (www.dhamma.org). Guru continues to bless my life at every juncture. I always feel his presence at the major turning points in my life. He is within. He is the embodiment of LOVE. 

When I look back, my decision to take up and give up Sannyas, all happened in it's natural course. Neither happened in my life out of any frustration. I was happy leading a sannyasin's life and I am happy being a family man. Human being is a multi-dimensional being. There is a family man in a sannyasin and there is a sannyasin in a family man. Externally a sannyasin, could be more of a family man within and vice-versa. Life is a constant flux. Anithya. Woman, relationship, family, parents, money, friends are all part part of me as much as spirituality is. Separation comes from ignorance. Integration is wisdom. Thank you for starting this. Couldn't stop myself from sharing.