Wedding story.....

Leading 35 years of unmarried life was a well thought decision. Getting into marriage was also another well thought decision. Probably those were not mere thoughts and perhaps no decisions were made. They just happened on their own accord. Combination of both the experiences added a wide spectrum to my life complementing each part.

Being a lone star in life was in many ways a very fulfilling and enriching experience. But always there remained a void that needed to be fulfilled. At a point, life reached a stagnation and there was no more meaning or motivation to move on. Done with the meaningful part of life, now time has come to experience perhaps the meaningless part too to make it a complete whole. After all meaning is what we add to life. Life as such is comprised of neutral experiences. Life is a black and white canvas just consisting of days and nights. We are free to paint on this canvas the way we like, use the colors we enjoy and make it into a creative painting.

Jayasree, my first cousin from Trichy was my constant companion for over a decade in my life journey. We had a mission together. We learned and practiced different Healing modalities, New Age spirituality, Meditation techniques and Yoga together. We taught what we learned together and made a living. The synergy was perfectly complimenting. There were discrepancies at later stages and our paths were vividly bifurcating. I needed marriage and she was already done with that aspect of life. Thus we set apart for a different journey altogether.

I was at home and one day my mother told me that I had a phone call from a second cousin of mine while I was away. Her name is also Jayashree. Her family was settled in Manglore. She studied Masters in Hospital Administration in Trichy. She heard about me from my other cousins in Trichy that I am into Vipassana meditation. She wanted to try it out too and that's why she contacted me. Vipassana is a meditation technique as taught by the Budha. I was more than happy to help. That's the first time I came to here about this cousin of mine and her family.

She was staying in her friend's house in Kochi. She called me again over the phone and addressed me as 'Manuvetta'. She sounded so familiar to me. I visited her at her friend's house. She held me by hand as if she knew me for long and invited for lunch at her friend's place. I couldn't reject, but simply oblige to her loving gesture. She was so child like and her eyes always smiled with innocence. I took her to my home. She never kept a distance and had no inhibitions which was very unusual in my family. I sensed my mother was a bit annoyed of this which I simply neglected.

We traveled together to Chennai for Vipassana meditation camp. It is a ten days residential camp where you have to observe complete silence throughout the course. My first cousin Jayasree also was there volunteering at the camp. We all completed the course and spent couple of days together in Chennai. Then I accompanied my second cousin Jayashree to Manglore. The journey brought me closer to her. I was so thrilled to travel with her to her village where she was born and brought up.

Ordinary simple house and people. She had her father, mother and three younger brothers. Many pets around and acres of agricultural land. That was a joyful get together with the forgotten family. Spent few days like in a vacation. I was fully taken care of. Naturally beautiful environment in the Shirady ghats area. Close by are the popular temples of Dharmasthala and Kuke Subrahmanya. Very calm and peaceful atmosphere. Thoroughly enjoyed the stay there and returned back to Kerala with a fulfilling experience of togetherness and love.

Months passed by and Jayashree came back to Kochi to do a project of her post graduation studies at the Amritha Institute of Medical Sciences. She stayed as a paying guest along with her friend in a house near the Amritha hospital. We met regularly and roamed around in the city on my motor bike. She was 11 years younger to me and I was very caring about her. Meanwhile Jayashree's mother came to Kochi. They were in the process of looking out for a suitable bridegroom for her. I promised to search also if I came across any ideal marriage alliance for her. My parents were also insisting me to get married and brought many proposals which I rejected stating different reasons. I couldn't imagine getting married to an unknown girl. I was always concerned about my freedom. My efforts to find a matching partner for my second cousin didn't succeed. I thought only I could take care of her well because I loved her deeply by then. I felt her to be very light and fragile to be handled.

While Jayashree's mother was returning back to Manglore, I went to see her off at the railway station. I even accompanied her up till Shoranur Junction where she had to change the trains. Meanwhile got an opportunity to open up my heart's desire to her. I started in a round about way. I began by saying that I've found a very good match for Jayashree. The mom became curious now. I started explaining about the proposed bridegroom. I said he is much taller and there was about 10 years of age difference. Mother said that's not a problem. She also justified that she and her husband also have a big age difference and it will work if the girl is younger. So that hurdle was crossed. Then I said that the boy is not working. Now she was a bit skeptical about the whole thing. I told her that he is a freelance musician by profession and he will be able to take care of her. Then her mother asked me weather I was describing about myself. I smiled and she understood what she guessed was right. That was something unexpected from my side for her and she said she will give a reply after she discusses with Jayashree's father too. I felt so relieved to have presented somehow the matter to her. I was ready to wait. I've waited that long until 35 years of my age.

My next step was to figure out Jayashree's thoughts about it. I straight away opened the subject while we were talking one evening on the terrace of our house. She was not mentally prepared to decide on it. She wanted to pursue her studies further. I told her that there was no hurry to take a decision and It was just for her to think about such an option. I was feeling confident that things will shape up my way. After a couple of days I received a phone call from Jayashree's mother saying that we can proceed with the idea. I felt so happy and thrilled. A new door was opening in front of me. Immediately wanted to convey my wish to my parents. I visited my father to the temple where he was doing a religious discourse of seven days. During the break time, I broke the surprising news to him. He didn't reply yes or no. He just asked me to think well and make a decision. To approach my mother directly was not wise. I communicated the message through a relative of mine in whom she had much confidence. Thank God, finally the parents together agreed upon the issue and decided to arrange our wedding on an auspicious day.

2005 September 10.

The musical journey....

1982. I was 12 years old then. My interest was in literature during my school days. I won many prizes at the school level, district and state level youth festivals for story writing, versification etc. My mother wanted me to try out my talent in music. She thought some instrument would be a good choice. She very deliberately chose the violin for me because it is very handy and sweet. Summer holidays after my 7th grade started with Carnatic violin lessons with Saraswathy Ammal. She was basically a Veena player who just knew the basic finger techniques for carnatic violin. An year passed. She taught me up till the first Ganesa Geetham 'Srigananatha'. One day when my Amma came to pick me up after the class, the kind teacher told her that I had real talent and interest in music and that I should be taken to a violin teacher since she handles only Veena as her primary instrument. Amma was glad to get the positive feed back though we were reluctant to leave the kind teacher. But she insisted and my mother found another violin teacher in the town. He was brother of my mother's collegue, Rajammal teacher. His name is S. Harihara Iyer. He is disciple of the great violinist M. Chandrasekharan from the Brinda and Muktha tradition in Chennai. Chennai is popular as the capital of Carnatic music.

Hariharan sir, as we call him, is blind in one eye. He was slim and was probably in his early fifties when I joined him. He decided to remain a bachelor his life long. I took weekly two violin lessons from him with a group of other students at the Bharathiya Vidyabhavan. His monthly fees was Rs. 35/-. I traveled all by myself in local private bus carrying my violin for my classes. I'll be singing in my mind what I learned while I travel.

A carnatic music organization by the name Rasikapriya run by one Mr. Ramachandran used to organize monthly carnatic music concerts by eminent musicians. Hariharan sir used to ask me to attend the concerts and he will tell the name of the ragas when each song is rendered. Later on I started taking private lessons with him at his residence. It continued probably for about four years, My mother organized my debut solo concert traditionally in Kureekkaad Sri Krishna Swami temple. R. Sachithananda Pai (Sachi) accompanied me on the mridangam. I was probably 16 years old by then.

Then one day my father came up with a new suggestion. He got the information that a violin professor from Thiruvananthapuram, Sri. S. Easwara Varma has been transferred to the RLV music college in Tripoonithura. So I was taken to him for more academic style of learning. He was a very unassuming and generous teacher. I learned many good compositions and improvisation techniques from him. His monthly fee was only Rs. 50/-. After couple of years he got transferred back to the capital city of Kerala. In his place another young violinist by the name N. Vaidyanathan was placed in the school and I continued my violin lessons with him. He was disciple of Sri. B. Sasikumar. He was a very friendly teacher. He taught many finger exercises for practice. I took only one year of lessons with him. His monthly fees was Rs. 75/-. All these teachers were never money motivated. They were all simple lovers of carnatic music. Unfortunately Vaidyanathan sir died of a scooter accident later at a young age.

I acquired prizes in many violin competitions. Also won hat-trick during the Mahathma Gandhi University youth festivals. Started to perform violin solo and accompaniment concerts during temple festivals in and around my home town, Kochi. That was a wonderful experience I always cherished. You also get paid with some pocket money. I enjoyed travel associated with concerts to different parts of Kerala. Meeting and working with different musicians enriched my learning. I wanted to take it up full time into music. Wanted to take advanced violin lessons from some eminent musician in Chennai.

It is during that time my friend Sachi introduced me to C.K. Ramachandran's family who were his neighbors. They visited for summer holidays from Utah, Salt Lake City. He organizes carnatic music concerts in the US and knew many musicians from Chennai. He was looking for a carnatic violin teacher for his daughters and I was assigned the job. Thus Deepa and Divya were my first violin students and me their first carnatic violin teacher. I started them with the basics. I was well paid for my lessons. Deepa and Divya again took lessons with me during their next visit to India. That time I started with the Varnams for them. Ramachandran chettan brought a stereo aiwa Walkman for me which has a cassette player and recorder. As he found out my ambition was to pursue advance studies in music dedicating full time, he introduced me to Lalgudi GJR Krishnan sir.

That was a major turning point in my music pursuit. I was always fortunate to get the best Gurus in the world. Both my parents were extremely supportive with my decision. All they wanted was me to complete my bachelor's degree in Chemistry. All my thoughts were into music by then. Chemistry was like Chinese to me. So appointment was given for an interview with Lalgudi G. Jayaraman sir to select me as their student. My cousin from Trichy, Jayasree took me to Chennai since I was not good in Tamil. We were accommodated in one of her friend's house in Guindy. His name is Sambath. We all three arrived at Lalgudi sir's house. We were asked to sit in the visitor's room. As we waited, Lalgudi sir and his son GJR Krishnan sir came.

The interview was as long as a concert. We spent about two and a half hours answering questions. When I was asked, I played a Thyagaraja krithi 'Rama nee samanamevaru' in Kharaharapriya ragam. The meaning of the first line goes: "Rama, who is there equivalent to you?" I had lot of practice on this song since I played it for the University youth festivals. Another krithi I played was yet another Thyagaraja song taught by Easwara Varma sir. This was in the raga Narayani, krithi starting 'Rama nee vegani nannu'. I played some kalpana swaras too when I was asked. The swaras had 'poruthams' in which Lalgudi sir is an exponent. 'Poruthams' are symmetrical swara patterns similar to the starting of the krithi where swaras are rendered.  Then sir wanted me to play a Parthimadhyama raga composition. This time I chose a krithi taught to me by N. Vaidyanathan sir. 'Biranabrovayithe' in Kalyani ragam composed by Thalagambadi Panchanatha Iyer. Lalgudi sir and Krishnan sir made me sing and do Talam exercises to test my strength in talam. Many more questions were about my family background and support because I have to leave everything and settle down in Madras.

Thus began my first lessons with GJR Krishnan sir. Probably I was his first student. Once he began with the gamakam (embellished musical notes) exercises, I remembered once having a vivid dream before of playing the violin using this style of finger technique. He was a sincere Guru to the core who really knows how to transfer what he knows to the student. Every lesson is very precious. As I progressed I was also asked to attend Lalgudi sir's classes when he teaches other students at home. Then I started daily visiting the home and was more like a part of the family. I was fed many a times in the home. I used to do whatever small help I could do for the family. Later on I was advised to move into the family and stay with them and learn in gurukula system. Those were golden days of my life. I was taken to concerts with them and I got opportunities to play Tambura for the concerts. Lalgudi sir with his son and daughter played Violin trio concerts those days. When Lalgudi sir conducted the Thiruvaroor Carnatic Music Trinity music festival I traveled with them and stayed for the entire week listening to concerts.

He was very humorous always. But when he teaches he is very strict and shows anger if you make mistakes. Another student from Karnataka also joined lessons staying at the house. It was a big family. Continuous activities go on all the time. There was no time to be wasted. Everyone in the family considered us as part of them and supported in all possible ways for our growth. In the heavy current of life, I was carried away for sometime into different vistas and music lessons were interrupted. Came to know later that Lalgudi sir and the entire family were upset that I stopped going there anymore. Krishnan sir was instrumental in bringing me back again connecting to the family.

In 2005 I got married and started my career as a music teacher in schools for livelihood. Got opportunities in overseas schools too.  I worked in Indian School in Oman, Singapore and finally in the United States. Lalgudi Krishnan sir showed me my first opening to the USA. He helped with supporting documents for my visa process. Lalgudi sir's mother who was treated with utmost respect in the family died while I was in the US. During my India trip I visited Chennai and I was offered place to stay in their home again. Lalgudi sir's health had deteriorated and it was so saddening to watch him in dependency mode. It was a great blessing given to me by Krishnan sir to be at the service of the eternal legendary musician Lalgudi G. Jayaraman sir. To hear of his demise again was enormously overwhelming. Within an year Lalgudi sir's life partner also joined the same divine abode while I was staying in the family to participate in the 'Violin repair and restoration workshop' organized by Krishnan sir through the Lalgudi Trust.

The Lalgudi family just not only taught me refined music but also became the foundation for building up my life structure. Music is my bread and butter now. It is food to my soul and I am fulfilled when it is shared with many other seekers.